Mo-Mos and Malaria!

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Using Mosquitoes To Put The Bite On Malaria

Passover, Indian Style

Making Passover Food in Delhi

Jesus, Moses, and Mosquitoes

For all the academic work I haven’t been doing this semester, I am now making it ALL up for in these last few weeks. I also haven’t been sleeping very well for two reasons. One of the reasons I just killed while typing this sentence. If you could become a karate kid by zapping mosquitoes from the air, I’d be the karate queen! The second reason is because I watched Black Swan the other day. Pretty much one of the best movies I’ve seen in a long time, but actually that whole evil twin thing is really freaky. So last night when I was attempting to fall asleep, and the top of my toilet exploded, (literally—like I went to my bathroom and it was just there on the floor) I immediately jumped to the conclusion that my evil doppelganger was out to get me.

Also, I can now count my mosquito bites in Hindi. But I can only count up to ten in Hindi so I can’t have anymore than that…which I may. I also now have red polka dots on my bedroom walls. See, the walls in my room are white. But when you kill misquotes they squirt red. Hence, I’m decorating! Moreover (big transition word that college professors hate), I found out the chances of getting malaria in Delhi are extremely low. It only sucks because at least when I was running around my room at 11 at night killing mosquitoes with scrunched up wads of TP, I figured I was saving my health. But now, from an outside perspective, I just look crazy. Like a cat on catnip chasing one of those red laser lights.

Good news is I now know the importance of food. Had Delhi Belly Extreme while my Aunt and Dad were visiting, and didn’t want to eat food for 4 days. Finally I had to force down some roti and dal. I also now know when you’re death sick, you don’t want Indian food. You want American-Jew food. Like matzo ball soup. Which, I do have, but am saving for Passover sedar that my friend and I are gonna improvise on this Friday. No shank bone. Vegetarian house. Better news, my Hindi teacher wants us to put together a little talent show this Thursday in honor of Easter. So same friend and I, very much in honor of Easter, are asking the four Passover questions in Hindi. Here they are:

Why is this night different from all other nights:

 यह शाम दुसरे शामों से क्यों अलग है

On all other nights we eat leavened bread or matzah and on this night we eat only matzah: 

सभी अन्य रातों पर हम रोटी ख़मीरवाला या matzah खाते हैं, और इस रात को हम ही matzah खाते हैं.

On all other nights, we don't dip our food even once, and on this night we dip twice: 

सभी अन्य रातों पर, हम अपने भोजन में एक बार भी नहीं डुबकी करते हैं, और इस रात को हम दो बार डुबकी.
Why is it that on all other nights we eat all kinds of herbs, but on this night we eat only bitter herbs? 

ऐसा क्यों है कि सभी अन्य रातों पर हम जड़ी बूटियों के सभी प्रकार के खाने के लिए, लेकिन इस रात को हम केवल कड़वी जड़ी बूटीखाते हैं?

Why is it that on all other nights we eat either sitting or reclining, but on this night we eat in a reclining position?

ऐसा क्यों है कि सभी अन्य रातों पर हम खाने या तो बैठे याreclining, लेकिन इस रात को हम एक reclining स्थिति मेंखाया?

And best news, even though I shouldn’t speak too soon, is in all the time I haven’t really been doing academic work here…I’ve been writing. Not just blogging, but writing. And now I have a novel-length Microsoft word something on my hard drive to show for it. So I’m a novelist, just the starving artist, unpublished kind!

Jaipur+

While My Dad and Aunt were in town, we went to Jaipur! Photos Below:

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Malaria Kills Opportunities

Vampires are keeping me up at night. Literally. I spent an hour or more trying to kill mosquitoes last night. Here’s what happened:

There is this little night lamp pluggin type thing that emits mosquito repellant, however, mine was broken. I was about to go to sleep last night; I was all tucked in under bed, with my laptop tuned to some illegal site, so I could watch House M.D. online. I look up and across my room and there on the wall and ceiling are ten mosquitoes. I got up out of bed and went to go find the mosquito death spray made in Mumbai by the “Goody” hair brand in America. It’s that brand you see in Target when you go to buy bobby pins and headbands. Now, let me just tell you about this mosquito death spray. First of all, it’s called, “Hit! Kill Malaria.” Then, as if no one knows about malaria, the can gives you a brief bio of malaria…


Malaria kills opportunities. By buying this pack [can], you are securing your opportunities.


Okay, right, so now, without even having to wikipedia malaria, I am given a pretty good idea of what happens if you get malaria. Here is a math equation to show what happens if you get malaria:

Malaria is Y, O is opportunities, L is life, and M is 2012-world-ending like in the Mayan calendar…


Y=O (0)+L (0)+M (definite)


(Okay, and there is everything I learned in pre-cal!)

Anyways, so I go to find this death spray…but I can’t find it anywhere. So I go back to my room and sit on my bed and look at the little buggers on the wall and ceiling and think, “Well, there goes sleep tonight.” Then, I come up with this brilliant plan. If I kill all ten of the mosquitoes, I will be able to sleep peacefully. I observe that the mosquitoes linger on the ceiling but slowly make their way down to a lower part of the wall. I hunker down like a cat…actually I sit on the bed with a wad of cheap toilet paper in my hands and wait. The first one slid down and I ever so slowly crossed my room and squished it. It was gross. I threw it in my toilet.

By the time I had taken out a grand total of four mosquitoes, another mosquito had found its way into my room. My task seemed hopeless. I got on facebook and began to talk to my friend’s aunt who lives in India. It turns out, you can coat your body in coconut oil and that prevents mosquitoes from biting you. However, I did not having any coconut oil. So, I asked if Ghee would get the job done. Though I was given the go ahead, I decided against rubbing my body in Ghee. I mean, if it got hot enough in the night I might have roasted.

Then, I had another, classic-brilliant, Idea. I remembered that mosquitoes don’t come out in the winter. I decided I would turn on the AC in my room and make my room as cold as possible, hoping that the mosquitoes would either: A. Die of the cold, or B. Go away. Okay…so…I admit defeat, this idea basically failed.

At some point, I was so tired that I turned of the lights and decided to forgo my life’s opportunities. I would deal with malaria in the morning. Morning came. I was woken by the gentle hum of a buzz in my ear. After much slapping and squirming I was up. I have good news and bad news. Good: I don’t yet have malaria. Bad: I have been eaten alive. My whole body itches.

ERGO, I have come up with a scheme. However much garlic I can eat without dying—that is how much I am going to eat in order to ward of the mosquitoes. Well, that or I am going to buy a mosquito net. Speaking of which, I need to go spray my room with death spray. I finally found it!

Matters of Money

I hate reflecting. When teachers make me reflect I want to hurt a small mammal. It seems silly to go through thoughts that you have already experienced. My Dad and Aunt have come to visit me in Delhi and their experiences and commentary on events so far have me reflecting. My teacher warned us about this, how the longer you spend in a foreign place all the things that stood out at the beginning begin to blend in to mundane life. She told us that if family visits it recalls things forgotten. Like currency.

When I first arrived in India it was like being in a Sephora (makeup) store and having enough money to buy everything. I would pick out something and not think about the price in rupees because in USD everything was so inexpensive. My Dad and Aunt’s visit has brought me back to this memory. I have become so frugal. In economics we talked about purchasing power parity. I have realized how much I can buy with certain amounts of rupees, and so now 10 and 20 rupees has become just a meaningful amount as 5 and 10 dollars. In Delhi, I eat lunch everyday for 30 rs. In the states a good price for lunch is under $10. So of course you would never say “Oh well, it’s just 10 dollars that that taxi driver just screwed me over. All is right in the world.” Here, I have begun to do the similar thing with rupees. If I get take a bus for 5 rs. instead of 10, then that’s the bus I want to take. Saving ten rs. here and there, though it’s less than a quarter, might buy me lunch the next day!

Also, I have been taking my Dad and Aunt to my favorite places in Delhi and I’m beginning to get sentimental about my departure from India. Today is definitely one of the days where I love Delhi and can never leave. Of course, I know I will leave, and deep down don’t think Delhi would be the ideal place for me to live-live. But it does make me wonder about living in NYC…but only if I can ride elephants to and from work.

just photos

Trip to Goa

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Class Field Trip to Himachal Pradesh


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